Inside Aging Parent Care

Memorial Day 2010

By Bill May 30th, 2010

Saturday morning at 5:30 AM, I was riding my bicycle to work on the bike path that runs along the South Platte River in Denver. I met a group of eight people carrying a U.S. flag and another flag I didn’t recognize in the dark. That group and the skunk I detoured around were the only traffic on the trail at that hour. Sunday morning I read in the Denver Post that the group was from an American Legion Post marching from Fort Logan National Cemetery to downtown Denver for the Memorial Day parade, held on Saturday this year.

I work near that National Cemetery, and we have some photos in the blog. As a veteran, I often salute the departed as I pass the cemetery, and I saluted the flag as I rode …

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A Desperate Caregiving Moment

By Carol May 29th, 2010

The New York Times recently published an article extolling the virtues of a new kind of medical specialty, the hospitalist. This “new breed” of doctors works exclusively in hospitals with hospitalized patients. The hospitalists with whom I have had contact are members of a group practice that contracts with the hospital to provide medical coverage throughout the facility.

One supposed advantage of this system is ease of oversight of all the patient population freeing up primary care physicians to focus on their outpatient practice so that they are not inefficiently dividing their time between hospital and clinic. In theory, hospital doctors are more available to patients than their primary care doctor might be. Studies show that under this system hospital stays are reduced by 17 to 30 percent and medical costs by 13 to 20 …

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Gerotranscendence--Good News for Caregivers and Their Aging Parents

By Carol May 23rd, 2010

Part Three of Three

Learning about the theory of gerotranscendence changed everything for me as a caregiver of an aging parent. In his book Gerotranscendence, Lars Tornstam talks about problems the mental set of younger caregivers can create when they are trying to understand the very old. We have been taught to see it as a problem when an old person seems disengaged. We fear that our aging parent might be depressed or sick. He might have dementia. He may have reached a stage where he is in a retreat from life as a preparation for death.

New Perspectives on the Inner Life of the Very Old

Tornstam’s research has uncovered another possible reason for what might look like disengagement from life. In the developmental stage of gerotranscendence, an elder’s self perceptions and perceptions …

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A Turning Point in Caregiver Healing

By Carol May 20th, 2010

Part Two of Three

When my father moved to Denver from Florida, it was like I moved too. I had been a long distance caregiver, and now I moved into a different role. I became a day to day, hands-on caregiver.

Before, we had relied on the expertise of a geriatric care manager to advise Dad and us about care and medical decisions and to be there in an emergency when we could not be. Now, those decisions and duties were up to us. There was a very steep learning curve to be mastered in this regard, but I found the more difficult parts to be the emotional aspects.

I had not had the benefit of experiencing the changes in my father slowly and incrementally as they had occurred. Suddenly I was confronted with …

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Caregiver Guilt Gives Way to a Daughter's Grief for Her Aging Father

By Carol May 18th, 2010

Part One of Three

When I look back on my sleepless nights and stress filled days, I now see that much of the time what was going on is that I was grieving. I’m learning for myself that grieving is not something that is quick or easy. Neither is it something that happens all at once, and then you’re done. As Bill wisely comments, grieving can still be going on at some level even 30 or 50 years after the death of a parent.

Most of the time I didn’t know that l was grieving. After all, Dad is right here. I’m able to have much more time with him than in the many years he lived in Florida or Minnesota. How could I be grieving for someone that I see and talk to …

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Memorial Day 2010

A Desperate Caregiving Moment

Gerotranscendence--Good News for Caregivers and Their Aging Parents

A Turning Point in Caregiver Healing

Caregiver Guilt Gives Way to a Daughter's Grief for Her Aging Father

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