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You Know You're A Desperate Caregiver If...

We all know that humor is good medicine but sometimes it is difficult to see past the stress of caregiving to the look on the lighter side of things.  Here is a little caregiver humor ala Jeff Foxworthy.  Feel free to add you own in the comment section.

You know you are a Desperate Caregiver if…

…You’re living with mom while your husband lives three states away.

…Your parent’s kitchen is neat as a pin while yesterday’s dirty dishes are still stacked in your sink at home.

…Your parents move in with you to save money and you have to rent 6 storage lockers for all their stuff.

…Your boss spends two weeks in Hawaii while your idea of a vacation is 6 days in a nursing home room.

…You find yourself picking hair …

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What Dad Gave Me For Father's Day

I spoke with Dad yesterday.  It is really hard to talk to him on the phone.  Mostly I feel like I am rattling on about things that are happening with me and with my son, Doug,  without any input from him.  During our conversation,  I struggled to make any connection I could, but conversation with my elderly father is truly one sided and I felt uncomfortable.

He used to grow roses so I told him about the beautiful rose bush that grows outside of my front door.  I described the pinkish-lavender color of the blooms and the intoxicating rose aroma with a little bit of citrus and hoped that it would strike a cord with him.  He seemed politely interested but no more.

I mentioned the opera, because I know he enjoys it.  I …

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A Readmission to the Hospital for My Aging Father

The Hospitalist System Redux

A recent article in The New York Times praising the advent of hospital doctors known as “hospitalists” has stirred a small controversy among readers of The Times New Old Age blog.   Many, but not all, of the medical people who weighed in point out the many potential advantages of the system.  One advantage is that there is an actual doctor in the hospital available to respond to patient emergencies.  (This is apparently not true in all hospitals, however, as one commenter from Venice, FL. attests.  Check to see if your hospitalist is an MD or a Physician Assistant.)

There are other theoretical advantages outlined in The Times report.  One of the important ones is the idea that hospitalist doctors reduce the incidence of expensive hospital readmissions.  The Times tells us that avoidable readmissions …

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A Caregiver's Challenge: Getting to Know a Different Dad

I Miss My Old Dad

My mind is clearer now that my feelings about my elderly father’s situation are not so mixed up with my feelings about growing older myself.  I think I can literally see him more plainly.  He doesn’t look as ravaged by age to me now as he did before my mind started to clear.  I still don’t really know much about his inner experience.  What is he thinking?  I would like to know more, but whether it’s dementia or for reasons of his own, he is not letting us in.

I’d like to feel closer to my father—more like I felt with the Old Dad from before my stepmother died and before he became frail and vague.  On one of our first visits to him after Elizabeth died, he was …

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Caregiving's Gift to Me

When I became the primary caregiver for my elderly father, I was immediately confronted with my own fear of growing old.  Everything I saw reinforced my belief that old-old age is a miserable stage of life leading to increasing loss, disappointment and painful isolation.  Not to speak of unrelenting physical pain and debility.  And fearful mental confusion and shameful loss of dignity.  I tried hard to deny that this had anything to do with me, but of course my pain for my father was doubled by my mostly unconscious fear for myself.

I am not special or unusual in this—it is human to fear our own decline and death.  And, like me, many of us try to ignore or deny the fear for awhile.  At a certain point, I think we all feel the …

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