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By Carol July 29th, 2010
Soon after my 89 year old father moved from Central Florida to Denver, reality challenged my denial and my illusions about how life with him would be and rather quickly moved me to the next stage of grief, which for me was not Anger but Bargaining. Now that he was here, we would make him better. Between us, Bill and I would find the right doctor, the right activity, the right gadget, the right clothing, the right medication, the right intervention, the right hobby, the right shoelaces that would improve his life, restore his health and vitality, make him happier, more content. Deep down inside maybe I even believed that I could make him immortal.
We had a lot of good ideas. Some of them Dad even liked, although he was indifferent or opposed …
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By Carol July 26th, 2010
It was just two years ago this week that Dad moved from Central Florida to Denver to be closer to some of his family members. I think his second hospitalization for pneumonia that spring must have been the catalyst for his decision.
Bill and I were relieved that he was finally willing to make this change. We had grown more concerned about Dad’s increasing frailty and forgetfulness over the several years since the death of Elizabeth, his second wife, in 1999. We wanted to have more impact on his life and well being than we could from so far away.
Dad died about three and a half weeks ago. Along with the shock and the sadness, I feel as if I have suddenly emerged from a dense, pervasive fog that clouded my mind, preventing …
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By Bill July 8th, 2010
Frank died last Wednesday night. We knew he was dying but it still came as a shock. “So soon? There are things we want to say; loved ones are coming.” He did it his way. We had met with the hospice chaplain that morning, and he talked about how important it is for the dying person to know that the children will be OK and that they can go.
Now, is saying that stressful? And when they proceed to die, is that stressful?
Then come the “What if’s” and the “If only’s”. We are feeling grief, a degree of disbelief, relief, guilt for feeling relieved, sadness, emptiness, and a host of other feelings I can’t name. We get these feelings right when there are lots of decisions to be made and much physical …
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By Carol July 6th, 2010
Dad didn’t quite make it to the Fourth of July, but “independence” was his rallying cry. Maintaining his independence was his first concern when he moved to Denver two years ago. Assisted living enabled him to secure the level of independence that he craved. He had his own apartment there, and that became home to him. He made the choice to engage hospice care only when he was assured that he could preserve his independence by remaining in his home.
In the final week of his 91years my father was still saying “I’m fine.” He said “I’m fine” the last day of his life. It was his way of saying “Leave me alone—I’m handling things my way.”
I’ll never hear the phrase “skin and bones” again without flashing back to Dad in his …
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By Carol July 1st, 2010
Good-bye, Dad
Frank G Leavenworth 1918 – 2010
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