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By Carol August 30th, 2010
Recently I came across an essay by 20th Century fashion illustrator Polly Francis, the first of a three part series originally written for the Washington Post. Polly writes about her experiences of life as a nonagenarian:
“A new set of faculties seems to be coming into operation. I seem to be awakening to a larger world of wonderment—to catch little glimpses of the immensity and diversity of creation. More than at any other time in my life, I seem to be aware of the beauties of our spinning planet and the sky above. And now I have the time to enjoy them. I feel that old age sharpens our awareness.”
by Delia Margaret Tighe Francis (1884-1978), written at age 91 in “The Autumn of My Life,” Songs of Experience, Ballantine Books, 1991
Reading Polly’s …
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By Bill August 28th, 2010
 I mentioned in a previous post that I recently attended a one day workshop given by David Kessler on death and grieving. Mr. Kessler is a noted author and expert on the subject. You can find his books in our Shelfari section.
I would like to share a few more of the things I took away from his presentation as being especially important to those caring for aged parents. Space limitations and my reluctance to steal Mr. Kessler’s ideas preclude a comprehensive report.
The workshop was attended by many professionals in the field including social workers, physicians, nurses mortuary people, and one caregiving blogger. Mr. Kessler emphasized to the attendees that in working with the dying and their loved ones it is hope that keeps us going. There can be miracles. It may be …
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By Bill August 26th, 2010
Most people become caregivers of aging parents with no experience in dealing with the aged and infirm. Visiting the comments on any caregiving website will have stories that stay with you for days. There are stories about bad care facilities, people whose marriages have failed because the spouse could not deal with the demands of caregiving, bad medical advice, and so on.
A special problem is when the children of elderly parents live a long distance from the one needing care. When the elder can no longer live independently without help, what to do?
Fortunately there are Geriatric Care Managers who can help. Several years ago Frank was living independently in his home in Florida. We visited about twice a year from our home in Denver. You can see pictures taken during several of …
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By Carol August 24th, 2010
My dad had his shadow side too. Everyone in the family remembers the Bad Dad. Mostly he emerged in the presence of an alcoholic beverage.
Bill and I also have many painful memories from the past two years of the daily ups and downs of a non-drinking Frank so very changed by age, illness and the approach of death.
We wondered whether to acknowledge some of these memories at Dad’s Memorial Gathering in the interests of presenting a more complete picture of him and his life. We weren’t sure, so we turned to Paul, hospice chaplain, for his wise advice.
Paul’s advice went beyond the adage that urges us not to speak ill of the dead or even the idea that a “eulogy” is supposed to be nice—“great praise” as the dictionary advises. He suggested …
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By Judi August 22nd, 2010
Up until the time of my father’s memorial service on July 31, 2010 I don’t think I had really mourned Dad’s passing. Strangely, all month long I felt as far away from my feelings about his death as Boise is from Denver.
It was different with Mom, I was right there by her side and witnessed the process of her dying and even though I did not fully understand that process and I couldn’t be in the same place that she was, I was there watching, I could hold her hand and say goodbye in stages as she slipped away.
But with Dad, I wasn’t able to sit with him or to say goodbye, he was gone before I could get there. And when I did get to Denver, I didn’t want to attend …
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