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By Carol December 13th, 2011
The house still smells slightly of smoke this morning. Bill and I were in the middle of paying bills yesterday when we decided to clean the oven. I’m not sure why. Maybe anything seemed preferable to tackling this month’s especially complicated credit card statement.
First there was an intensive search for the stove’s Use and Care Manual. It seemed only to be expected that I could locate all the literature on every large appliance we own except the stove. Eventually, after Bill found the stove’s model number, we tracked down the manual on line and printed it out. The instructions were deceptively simple—close the door, push the “clean” button, set the time and the stove does all the rest.
Bill grabbed the oven shelves while I emptied the warming drawer and wiped out the …
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By Carol November 20th, 2011
My dad, Frank, died over a year ago at the age of 91. When he finally came to live in Denver two years before his death, I thought I would be able to help him have a better life, a happier old age. It turned out that the real job was to support him while he moved closer and closer to death.
As the days of his life grew shorter, my confusion multiplied. As much I knew he would die one day, I was caught up in Dad’s insistence that he would live to be “at least” 100. I think it seemed easier to accept this idea than to understand that death was creeping nearer to us with every passing day.
The last days and weeks of Dad’s life were very difficult for all …
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By Bill November 3rd, 2011
Independence Monument
Respite care for caregivers is a broad definition that boils down to “Give me a break!” Caregivers do direct care for their elder, cook, clean, run errands, provide transportation,entertain, deal with the medical system, agonize over finances, and a myriad of other tasks. This is more than a 24/7 job. It is all-consuming. The caregiver has to get away at times to relax, recharge, enjoy something, fight with the siblings, and collapse. That is respite.
Judi wrote a post about the new VA respite care program. It seems the VA is a pioneer in providing low cost respite care for caregivers. The private sector also has a broad range of respite care programs, but at a significant cost. Most communities have senior day care programs.
That is about it. Most caregivers, …
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By Bill September 29th, 2011
When Frank decided to leave Assisted Living in Florida, he moved to Denver. Audrey moved to a nursing home in Boise where Judi, her son Doug, and her new husband Willie live. The result of this trans-continental moving, caregiving, and visiting is that the family became much closer.
This blog, Inside Aging Parent Care, has also helped bring us together. All the family reads it, and Steve has guest-posted. The whole thing was Judi’s idea. She is our technical wizard and writes very well for someone from Idaho. Carol is the theoretician, and I bring the married into the family perspective.
There is the other side of caregiving for elder parents. When the elders start to lose their independence, the children often find themselves in conflict about what to do. The direct caregiving duties …
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By Bill September 8th, 2011
Do Doctors Know Best?
The most important thing I have learned as caregiver and patient is that it is up to me or my caregiver to take charge in dealing with the medical system. The tradition is for an ill person to put themselves in the hands of the medical professionals. After all, “doctors know best”.
This attitude can put a patient in jeopardy due to some flaws in our health care system. For example, When Carol’s father Frank was hospitalized with pneumonia, he was weak and feverish. The hospitalist that day saw him and recorded that he suffered from profound dementia. Frank had some dementia, true, but his unresponsiveness was because he was sick. Frank’s dementia was never profound. If the hospitalist had read Frank’s chart or seen him more often, that …
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