Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

What is the Caregiver’s Role in an Aging Parent’s Death?

My dad, Frank, died over a year ago at the age of 91.  When he finally came to live in Denver two years before his death, I thought I would be able to help him have a better life, a happier old age.  It turned out that the real job was to support him while he moved closer and closer to death.

As the days of his life grew shorter, my confusion multiplied.  As much I knew he would die one day, I was caught up in Dad’s insistence that he would live to be “at least” 100.  I think it seemed easier to accept this idea than to understand that death was creeping nearer to us with every passing day.

The last days and weeks of Dad’s life were very difficult for all …

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“What If’s” and “If Only’s” in the Aftermath of Caregiving

Recently one of our readers wrote to us about some of his feelings following the death of his mother.  “I am overwhelmed with guilt for not always being a good caregiver – giving in to work stressors, tiredness, other concerns,” he said.  “…I go over every detail of caregiving and find the things I believe I did and didn’t do.  It is sad as I wanted to do the best for my Mom, but I feel I failed her.”

We’ve talked to a lot of caregivers who feel the same as our reader.  Years after his mother’s death, one friend who had spent a couple of hours every day after work with her at her assisted living residence confesses that he feels he didn’t do enough.  Now, when Judi, Bill and I look back …

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Ebooks for Caregivers of Alzheimer’s Patients

Reviewing Hope for Helpers and More Help for Helpers by Michael Byrd

Bill recently posted his response to Pat Robertson’s remarks on Alzheimer’s disease and caregiving.  Bill and many others have expressed another side of the caregiving experience in the wake of Robertson’s suggestion that a man should divorce his wife in advanced stages of the disease.  No one denies that caring for someone with dementia is a tough road, but caregivers know that the journey can bring us more than just pain and sacrifice.

Chaplain Michael Byrd has written two timely ebooks for caregivers who want to keep on caregiving and save their sanity.  Michael draws on his more than fifteen years experience working with elders and their caregivers to create these helpful companion electronic resources.

While he brings his generous spirituality to …

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Pat Robertson’s Error

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson made an astounding comment on his TV show last week.   His comment came in response to a caller who said that a friend had begun dating other women while his wife lies seriously ill with Alzheimer’s, and justifies it by saying that “his wife, as he knows her, is gone.”

Robertson said he agrees with the man: “What he says basically is correct. I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.”

His co-host pressed Robertson about whether that violates the marriage vows. Robertson responded that Alzheimer’s “is a kind of death” and added, “I certainly wouldn’t put a guilt trip on you” for …

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The Caregiver’s Journal: Convalescence is No Vacation

We’ve had a collection of surgeries—both minor and major—crop up in our family recently.  Judi started us off with gallbladder surgery last fall and currently Steve is the latest addition to the honor roll with the hernia repair that he has been working toward finally accomplished last Friday.  The way it’s going recently, it seems like every time we turn around someone is suggesting another surgical repair for one or another of us to sample.

With some notable exceptions, Bill and I have found that even the greatest surgery is often followed by a short or non-existent hospital stay and little to no post-op support.  Even the place that does our colonoscopies instructs us to contact the emergency room if we have any post-procedure problems.

The surgeons that we have met over the last …

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