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By Carol January 24th, 2012
For every caregiver, the day will arrive when caregiving comes to an end. Most of us can’t know when that day will come. Because of this, caregiving often seems endless, but it is not.
Some of us are able to accept that the end is coming sooner or later. The couple in this video are planning for the time when he will be gone, and she will be alone. Senior co-housing is one option for companionship and support for the spouse that is left behind.
Weighing the Options from Our Future Selves on Vimeo.
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Technorati Tags: afraid, aging in place, Brave Old World, caregiver mental health, caregiver needs, caregiver stress, co-housing, coping with death, Elder Spirit, end of life, end of life decisions, family caregiver, pain of caregiving, Paula Span. Columbia University School of Journalism
By Carol January 3rd, 2012
Bill and I had not heard that our friend Barbara was in hospice and close to death. We learned of her passing from another friend who makes a habit of studying the obituaries every Sunday. Despite her long-standing heart condition, I had expected Barbara to live for many more years. After all, her mother had survived past 100. Barbara had been her mother’s long-distance caregiver for several years.
We attended Barbara’s Memorial Service a few days before Christmas. While the snow fell softly outside the chapel windows, Barbara’s children, grandchildren, friends and loved ones sang and played, recited poetry and shared memories of Barbara and her multifaceted life. It had been a journey of exploration and connection. We were struck by how many of her friends and associates had met Barbara unexpectedly on a …
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By Carol November 15th, 2011
When Dad was courting our stepmother, the lovely Elizabeth, they surprised us all by becoming ardent opera enthusiasts. Each year they bought their season tickets. Then, weeks ahead of each performance, they began preparing by immersing themselves in musical recordings of the coming opera while reading along on the translated librettos. When the night arrived, they would dress in their best—for Dad this was formal wear complete with opera cape—and head downtown for a magic evening of music and drama.
Opera was one of the activities that we looked forward to enjoying with Dad when he moved to Denver toward the end of his life. During his two years with us we saw three live operas and many others on TV and DVD. In the process, Bill and I both grew in our knowledge …
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By Carol November 1st, 2011
Recently one of our readers wrote to us about some of his feelings following the death of his mother. “I am overwhelmed with guilt for not always being a good caregiver – giving in to work stressors, tiredness, other concerns,” he said. “…I go over every detail of caregiving and find the things I believe I did and didn’t do. It is sad as I wanted to do the best for my Mom, but I feel I failed her.”
We’ve talked to a lot of caregivers who feel the same as our reader. Years after his mother’s death, one friend who had spent a couple of hours every day after work with her at her assisted living residence confesses that he feels he didn’t do enough. Now, when Judi, Bill and I look back …
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By Bill October 13th, 2011
Final Crossing
Recently I have been a bit out of sorts. I am tired, irritable, and grumpy. I didn’t know why until I found myself thinking about Frank after an unusually frustrating time in traffic. I am still dealing with feelings about years of caregiving for a man who died despite all our efforts.
My wife Carol’s father Frank died 15 months ago after living in Denver for two years with Carol and me as his caregivers. Prior to the move to Denver we were long distance caregivers with frequent visits to Florida. We had a support system for him in Florida, a nice assisted living facility, a Geriatric Case Manager, and an old friend we hired to take him on errands and outings.
He decided on his own to move to Denver. …
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