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By Carol November 20th, 2011
My dad, Frank, died over a year ago at the age of 91. When he finally came to live in Denver two years before his death, I thought I would be able to help him have a better life, a happier old age. It turned out that the real job was to support him while he moved closer and closer to death.
As the days of his life grew shorter, my confusion multiplied. As much I knew he would die one day, I was caught up in Dad’s insistence that he would live to be “at least” 100. I think it seemed easier to accept this idea than to understand that death was creeping nearer to us with every passing day.
The last days and weeks of Dad’s life were very difficult for all …
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By Bill November 3rd, 2011
Independence Monument
Respite care for caregivers is a broad definition that boils down to “Give me a break!” Caregivers do direct care for their elder, cook, clean, run errands, provide transportation,entertain, deal with the medical system, agonize over finances, and a myriad of other tasks. This is more than a 24/7 job. It is all-consuming. The caregiver has to get away at times to relax, recharge, enjoy something, fight with the siblings, and collapse. That is respite.
Judi wrote a post about the new VA respite care program. It seems the VA is a pioneer in providing low cost respite care for caregivers. The private sector also has a broad range of respite care programs, but at a significant cost. Most communities have senior day care programs.
That is about it. Most caregivers, …
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By Carol November 1st, 2011
Recently one of our readers wrote to us about some of his feelings following the death of his mother. “I am overwhelmed with guilt for not always being a good caregiver – giving in to work stressors, tiredness, other concerns,” he said. “…I go over every detail of caregiving and find the things I believe I did and didn’t do. It is sad as I wanted to do the best for my Mom, but I feel I failed her.”
We’ve talked to a lot of caregivers who feel the same as our reader. Years after his mother’s death, one friend who had spent a couple of hours every day after work with her at her assisted living residence confesses that he feels he didn’t do enough. Now, when Judi, Bill and I look back …
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By Judi July 10th, 2011
Sometimes when we were driving, and I was in the backseat with my brother, I would watch my dad’s eyes. Then he would looked at me in the rear view mirror;
and he would smile.
my dad…
handsome
silently carried the wounds of a World War-on his body, in his heart
raised and provided for a family
tucked me in at night
created a thriving business
“99.999% pure democrat-pure as the driven snow”
followed his dreams of beekeeping and sailing
saved a woman and left her
loved a woman and buried her
lived 91 years, 10 months
I love you daddy…
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Technorati Tags: coping with death, Death of a Parent, family memories
By Bill July 7th, 2011
Last week Carol and I were on our way to a talk on caregiving for windows. We have an older house with steel casement windows that need repair, painting, and weatherproofing. Most window experts cringe at the thought of approaching a steel casement window. So we were glad to learn that this expert would attempt to address the issue.
On the way, we were on a one way street with a 30 MPH speed limit. We were going 35, and traffic was roaring past us. As we approached a busy cross street, we heard a loud thunk in front of us. Several bystanders ran to help, as it was apparent there were injuries. We picked our way through the debris (lots of books) and went on.
I was struck that in an instant on …
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