Inside Aging Parent Care

Caregiving: What’s in It for Me?—Redux

By Carol February 19th, 2012

I’ve been poking around the blog this week pulling out a few posts to use as a basis for a submission to a local writing contest. In the process I came across a post that I wrote about a year after Dad’s death. I like it so much that I think it’s worth re-posting. So here it is

Exploring the Gifts of Caregiving

Caregiving can be hard. Really, really hard. As Bill has said, it can feel a lot like rolling a boulder up a steep hill only to have it plunge back down to the bottom over and over again. I have also heard caregivers describe the job as an endless roller coaster ride or a long slog through a muddy marsh in the rain.

Part of what makes caregiving so challenging is …

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At the End of Caregiving

By Carol January 24th, 2012

For every caregiver, the day will arrive when caregiving comes to an end. Most of us can’t know when that day will come. Because of this, caregiving often seems endless, but it is not.

Some of us are able to accept that the end is coming sooner or later. The couple in this video are planning for the time when he will be gone, and she will be alone. Senior co-housing is one option for companionship and support for the spouse that is left behind.

Weighing the Options from Our Future Selves on Vimeo.

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Technorati Tags: afraid, aging in place, Brave Old World, caregiver mental health, caregiver needs, caregiver stress, co-housing, coping with death, Elder Spirit, end of life, end of life decisions, family caregiver, pain of caregiving, Paula Span. Columbia University School of Journalism

The End of Caregiving: Fallout Continues

By Bill October 13th, 2011

Final Crossing

Recently I have been a bit out of sorts. I am tired, irritable, and grumpy. I didn’t know why until I found myself thinking about Frank after an unusually frustrating time in traffic. I am still dealing with feelings about years of caregiving for a man who died despite all our efforts.

My wife Carol’s father Frank died 15 months ago after living in Denver for two years with Carol and me as his caregivers. Prior to the move to Denver we were long distance caregivers with frequent visits to Florida. We had a support system for him in Florida, a nice assisted living facility, a Geriatric Case Manager, and an old friend we hired to take him on errands and outings.

He decided on his own to move to Denver. …

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Loss and Love

By Bill September 1st, 2011

I am writing fairly brief posts because I am a bit busy caregiving. My wife Carol is recovering nicely from surgery and her son Steve will have surgery Friday. I am caregiver for both.

This story ran in Sunday’s Denver Post newspaper. It is a story about the tragedy of Alzheimer’s and the enduring magic of love. Do read it all. I would insert it here, but copyright laws prevent my doing so.

Alzheimer's

The story is one of someone slowly being robbed of her mind, and her husband’s witness to her decline. She always recognized him, and some elements of her personality stayed with her. This is similar to what happened to Frank and Audrey, Carol’s parents. Frank had significant memory loss, but his personality was intact until he died of other …

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Revisiting the Crocodile: A Caregiver Sums Up

By Carol July 12th, 2011

You never know how a death is going to take you until it happens. Even so, I think it is normal to try to prepare by looking ahead–especially during a long good-bye like my father’s.

We can find so much information on grief and mourning that researching the subject almost gets in the way. After my mother’s death I had a particularly hard time getting past what I’d learned I “should” feel to what I actually was feeling. In the early days after Dad died, I felt stunned. Encountering Death and losing Dad left me disoriented and at loose ends.

I needed structure and some way to understand my life now, post caregiving and orphaned. Three weeks after Dad died, I had this helpful dream: I walk down a hill to the edge of …

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