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By Carol January 26th, 2012
I’m so glad the producers of To Not Fade Away asked me to review their film. Otherwise I would never have seen it, since it is not offered on my DTV plan. In Denver this wonderful RLTV video can only be seen on Comcast Channel 205.
Both my mother and my father suffered from dementia. While neither of them had Alzheimer’s disease, a fear of this particular form of dementia looms large for me as for many in my generation. The older I get the more unsettling small moments of forgetfulness become. I believe that having solid factual information about Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia is vitally important for all of us at this stage of life. And it is equally important for children and loved ones of the elderly to know much …
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By Carol November 20th, 2011
My dad, Frank, died over a year ago at the age of 91. When he finally came to live in Denver two years before his death, I thought I would be able to help him have a better life, a happier old age. It turned out that the real job was to support him while he moved closer and closer to death.
As the days of his life grew shorter, my confusion multiplied. As much I knew he would die one day, I was caught up in Dad’s insistence that he would live to be “at least” 100. I think it seemed easier to accept this idea than to understand that death was creeping nearer to us with every passing day.
The last days and weeks of Dad’s life were very difficult for all …
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By Carol November 15th, 2011
When Dad was courting our stepmother, the lovely Elizabeth, they surprised us all by becoming ardent opera enthusiasts. Each year they bought their season tickets. Then, weeks ahead of each performance, they began preparing by immersing themselves in musical recordings of the coming opera while reading along on the translated librettos. When the night arrived, they would dress in their best—for Dad this was formal wear complete with opera cape—and head downtown for a magic evening of music and drama.
Opera was one of the activities that we looked forward to enjoying with Dad when he moved to Denver toward the end of his life. During his two years with us we saw three live operas and many others on TV and DVD. In the process, Bill and I both grew in our knowledge …
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By Carol November 1st, 2011
Recently one of our readers wrote to us about some of his feelings following the death of his mother. “I am overwhelmed with guilt for not always being a good caregiver – giving in to work stressors, tiredness, other concerns,” he said. “…I go over every detail of caregiving and find the things I believe I did and didn’t do. It is sad as I wanted to do the best for my Mom, but I feel I failed her.”
We’ve talked to a lot of caregivers who feel the same as our reader. Years after his mother’s death, one friend who had spent a couple of hours every day after work with her at her assisted living residence confesses that he feels he didn’t do enough. Now, when Judi, Bill and I look back …
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By Bill October 13th, 2011
Final Crossing
Recently I have been a bit out of sorts. I am tired, irritable, and grumpy. I didn’t know why until I found myself thinking about Frank after an unusually frustrating time in traffic. I am still dealing with feelings about years of caregiving for a man who died despite all our efforts.
My wife Carol’s father Frank died 15 months ago after living in Denver for two years with Carol and me as his caregivers. Prior to the move to Denver we were long distance caregivers with frequent visits to Florida. We had a support system for him in Florida, a nice assisted living facility, a Geriatric Case Manager, and an old friend we hired to take him on errands and outings.
He decided on his own to move to Denver. …
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