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By Carol January 3rd, 2012
Bill and I had not heard that our friend Barbara was in hospice and close to death. We learned of her passing from another friend who makes a habit of studying the obituaries every Sunday. Despite her long-standing heart condition, I had expected Barbara to live for many more years. After all, her mother had survived past 100. Barbara had been her mother’s long-distance caregiver for several years.
We attended Barbara’s Memorial Service a few days before Christmas. While the snow fell softly outside the chapel windows, Barbara’s children, grandchildren, friends and loved ones sang and played, recited poetry and shared memories of Barbara and her multifaceted life. It had been a journey of exploration and connection. We were struck by how many of her friends and associates had met Barbara unexpectedly on a …
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By Carol November 20th, 2011
My dad, Frank, died over a year ago at the age of 91. When he finally came to live in Denver two years before his death, I thought I would be able to help him have a better life, a happier old age. It turned out that the real job was to support him while he moved closer and closer to death.
As the days of his life grew shorter, my confusion multiplied. As much I knew he would die one day, I was caught up in Dad’s insistence that he would live to be “at least” 100. I think it seemed easier to accept this idea than to understand that death was creeping nearer to us with every passing day.
The last days and weeks of Dad’s life were very difficult for all …
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By Carol July 3rd, 2011
Here it is–another 4th of July and Dad has been gone more than one full year. We had our quiet remembrance of his passing on Friday. I decided to re-post a piece from last year because it still says it best.
Dad didn’t quite make it to the Fourth of July, but “independence” was his rallying cry. Maintaining his independence was his first concern when he moved to Denver two years ago. Assisted living enabled him to secure the level of independence that he craved. He had his own apartment there, and that became home to him. He made the choice to engage hospice care only when he was assured that he could preserve his independence by remaining in his home.
In the final week of his 91years my father was still …
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By Carol June 28th, 2011
We were both blessed and cursed with the chance to travel with my father Frank down the long road toward the land of death. We went as far as we could with him. Then we turned back to make the return trip without him. We were changed and our lives were changed by the experience of his dying and by losing him.
In just a very few days it will be the first anniversary of Dad’s death. Last year at this time, the hospice nurses thought he had another two weeks or more remaining to him. On what turned out to be the last day of Dad’s life, Bill and I consulted with the hospice chaplain. I was trying to prepare myself for our last days together and to find the words to say …
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By Judi June 12th, 2011
In the current issue of the AARP Bulletin there is a very good article on palliative care. The author points out that “Palliative care takes a team approach, providing a doctor, nurse, social worker and chaplain working together to go beyond strictly medical issues to address all of a patient’s needs. That could include managing pain and nausea associated with a disease as well as counseling or help in navigating the health care system.”
I have often thought that palliative care would have been appropriate for my mother and although I know that I did the best that I could for her, I regret not calling them in. Looking back, I can even pin-point the exact time that I should have requested palliative care for mom.
My excuse is ignorance. A poor excuse, …
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