If you look back in the posts, you will see my suggestion for a dysfunctional caregiver stress reduction technique – chocolate. Not Recommended. I don’t recommend alcohol, drugs, running off to Patagonia, an affair, compulsive shopping, or hiding under the covers. There are others and they all serve as escape but do nothing to relieve the stress. (Not to say I haven’t tried some of them. But not Patagonia.)
Caregivers of aging parents are not going to be able to avoid or eliminate stress. What we are doing is stressful. Life is stressful enough without adding memory loss, increasing physical debility, financial strain, a difficult medical system, uncooperative relatives, and our own increasing sense of mortality to the mix. Stress is not going to go away. Carol’s Caregiver Desperation Scale may help you evaluate your stress level.
I have found a few helpful ways of dealing with stress. Bicycling does me a world of good. I get out, find stimulation, exercise, a way to get to and from work, save money, and feel superior to non-riders. Motorcycling has many of the same benefits, adding a bit more excitement, less exercise, and more danger. Gardening helps as well.
Stress can cause physical pain. For that I recommend acupuncture. My hips have been hurting, not a usual thing with me. One acupuncture session eliminated my left hip pain. My right hip seems to be more stubborn, but it is better after the second session. In Denver, it’s Alison Dinn L.Ac.
The single most effective method for me is connecting with others. I talk about what is going on with my elderly loved ones with anyone who will listen. I find that they have their stories to share and everyone benefits. Too often I get so wrapped up in caregiving stress that I tend to isolate instead of connecting. I am getting better at catching that and talking to someone.
Most often it is Carol I connect with. We share the caregiving (she more than me) and spend a lot of time talking about the trials of the day. We both feel better. Carol is great at reaching out to me, and great at connecting with me when I start to withdraw. Our relationship has grown because of our caregiving and the stress. It gives new meaning to the words “for better or for worse”. Engaging with the difficult and the “worse” brings out my humanity and compassion. It deepens my love.
Stress reliever…ginger snaps.
Also, really tonglen meditation is the most effective way to process stuff. You can look up videos about it on YouTube. Pema Chodran is the key teacher of it in the US.
Also, just going outside for a minute. Especially in the middle of the night…look UP into the trees, not across at them…Makes your mind float. At night, try to find the moon.
Thanks for your ideas. We love Pema!
As Wesley put it, “Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.”
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